I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus has story problems
it's time to retire this convoluted mess
Hi Friends and happy December 24th!
I’m back again, with a Christmas rant, and sign up info for winter classes. If Xmas songs aren’t your bag, jump to the bottom for class info!
It seems like every year another of the mid-century Christmas carols comes under the harsh scrutiny of Twitter. First “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” then “Santa, Baby.” Now, finally, in 2021 “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus” is on the chopping block, and I couldn’t be happier.
I hate this song. It’s not just because it’s often sung in a twee faux-baby voice, or because of the kid’s bizarre emotional response – what child thinks it would be “a laugh” to witness the destruction of their family? No, what bothers me most about this song is the sloppy story telling on the part of the lyricist.
Ok, in case you’ve (lucky you) somehow never heard this song, here’s a quick overview of the events. Our point of view character, a child of indeterminate Christmas-kid age (basically, mobility and language skills of 13 with the reasoning of 6), is telling someone (friends? his diary? court-appointed therapist?) that on Christmas night, when his parents thought he was fast asleep, he snuck downstairs and caught his mother making out with Santa. He concludes with how funny it would’ve been if his dad had caught Mommy and Papa Noel sharing a peck.
The common understanding of the song is that “Santa” is the kid’s daddy dressed in Santa attire, and so the smooching and chin tickling is wholesome, vanilla 1950’s nuclear parental X’s & O’s, and Junior’s reading of it as mom cheating is therefor funny. But, if this interpretation is correct, then we have to accept that the parents put the kid to bed, then Daddy dressed in a Santa costume, complete with snowy-white beard to put the presents under the tree. Who does this?
Now, maybe you’re thinking the parents must have known Junior would “sneak downstairs to have a peek” and the Santa costume is to cement his belief in Kris Kringle. But if that’s the case, then why is mom hanging around Claus-canoodling? Surely they couldn’t have wanted their kid to think mom was cheating with Santa? Or, why didn’t they at least both dress up in North Pole attire, so the kid could’ve seen Santa and Mrs Claus kiss? Or Santa and a helpful girl elf?
Which leads us to assume Daddy is dressed up as Santa, not for Junior’s benefit, but for his own, and Mommy’s. There’s no shame in consenting adults playing Snog with Santa, but that makes it a kinkier song than we would expect to hear on repeat in every toy store from October-January. It also makes us wonder how much more Junior saw from the staircase.
So, that’s clearly not the interpretation we want to go with, right? Let’s get back to the initial premise – Kiddo says he saw Mommy and Santa on Christmas eve. Are we certain it wasn’t Santa? After all, lots of Christmas songs take place in a world where Santa is real – Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, etc. Maybe this is one of those songs.
But the idea of Mommy necking with the real St. Nick opens up a whole new gift sack of questions. Is this a one-time hookup or an ongoing holiday affair? Does Daddy know? Where is Daddy? Does this happen at every house where Santa stops? And are we supposed to condone the 100’s of years age difference between Mommy and the jolly (very) old elf? Darker still, is this maybe all part of the bargain parents make to ensure Old Man Christmas brings their kids toys each year?
I’ve gone around and around on this and there’s only one interpretation that makes sense and preserves the 1950’s version of wholesome vibe that I think the song is going for. Daddy wasn’t in costume, he has a long white beard, and junior has a touch of facial blindness. Or, in the words of Buck Owens:
Merry Christmas to all who celebrate, and happy vacation days to those who don’t!
Kayleigh
Sign up for Winter Classes
This winter I’ve got three courses on the books, and I’d love to see you there!
Flash Fiction Writing Workshop. In person, through Arlington Community Education (Arlington, MA) This class runs from 7-9pm on Wednesdays from Jan 19 – Mar 16. Sign up to learn about a range of flash fiction lengths and structures. Students will complete weekly writing assignments and participate in friendly, low-pressure peer feedback. Sign up at https://arlington.ce.eleyo.com/course/2135/winter-2022/writing-workshop-flash-fiction
Read and Discuss: Best American Short Stories 2021. On Zoom, through Arlington Community Education. In 2020, this was one of my very favorite classes, and I’m delighted to revive it for the 2021 BASS collection. Each week we’ll read a story or two from the collection and talk about it in relation to literary traditions and the events of the past year. This class meets online from 7-8:30 on Thursdays from Jan 20 - Mar 17. Sign up soon to ensure you have a spot at https://arlington.ce.eleyo.com/course/2136/winter-2022/read-discuss-best-american-short-stories-2021
Pillow Book: Journaling to Inspire. On Zoom, through Grub Street. I first discovered Sei Shonagon a few years ago, when I was researching famous diarists in history. Since then, I’ve often come back to her writing, which forever changed the way I think about what journaling can do for writers. In this class, I’ll introduce (or reintroduce) you to this 10th century Japanese author, poet, and court personality, and her writing. I’ll show you how the techniques she uses in her pillow book can help you create a journal that inspires new creative projects, and get out of the letter style “Dear Diary” rut. This is a 3-hour class that meets Friday, Jan 21 from 10:30am-1:30pm. Sign up at https://grubstreet.org/findaclass/class/pillow-book-journaling-to-inspire/